What I Would Say To That Girl...Part 5

Me on my 16th birthday

 

 

 

My son, Jack, turns 16 this Saturday. It is quite a milestone in his life and I have been thinking about it all week. Yesterday, it hit me that in just 2 more birthdays, Jack will be a legal adult.  Still, as I watch him day to day, I am reminded that he is already more man than boy. And while I do miss the curly haired little guy with the biggest blue eyes I have ever seen, I am so proud of the young gentleman who dwells with me now. With his gifts and talents, placed in him by God, Jack has the potential to do great things. And with his heart for Christ, I know he will be a world changer.  At 16, new horizons are in his midst. More freedom. More responsibility. Every day, Jack becomes more of a man. As I look back and remember what it means to be 16, I remember the young lady in the picture above. This is what I would say to that girl...

 

Growing up is not about your age, it is about your character.  Some people never grow up.  Don't aspire to be like them. 

 

 You are growing up fast. Slow down, and enjoy what is left of your childhood.  The world will wait for you.

 

Driving is a big responsibility. Understand that your mother worries about the other goobers on the road that forget that fact. Cut her some slack when she is hesitant to give you the keys.

 

Make time for your friends.

 

Treasure your family. 

 

Fight with your Mom less and hug her more.

 

In the words of  your favorite singer, John Cougar Mellencamp..."Hold onto 16 as long as you can".

You have a curfew. You will understand one day. For now, accept it and know that you are loved. 

 

You will survive braces, and your smile will be even brighter when you are finished with them.

 

That twinkle in your eye is your trademark. It will be the thing that captures the heart of a boy you have yet to meet, but who will one day give you a ring and make you his wife.

 

Study hard. You are both smart and beautiful. Those grades will take you places.
 

 It's okay to be who God made you to be...the right people love you just as you are. 
The others are insignificant.

 

God is with you, even in the little things. Don't doubt his love for you.

 Nothing happens to you that hasn't first passed through God's hands.

 Rely on Him rather than yourself.

 

It has to be said...perms are a terrible idea.

 

Guard your heart and learn to trust the right people. And remember it takes some time and observation to figure out who they are in your life.  Some people are not who they seem. 

Life is both beauty and pain.  Both are essential to build character.  Appreciate the beauty and rest in it.  Learn from the pain and leave it behind.

  Don't take life too seriously.

 

Remember that cake is always a good idea.

 

Some advice...don't fret so much about your future.  It will all unravel in time, and it's going to be beautiful.  You cannot even comprehend all that God has in store for you. Good stuff awaits.
 Seize it all!

 



What I Would Say To That Girl...Part 4

 

(Me and Melanie on our first play date with our firstborn munchkins...June 1998)

 

 

We met at a softball game, the summer before my junior year in college. She was a chatty, bubbly girl, full of life. I was a bit more reserved. OK. I was a lot more reserved.  In fact, I found her open and colorful personality to be puzzling. Even a bit annoying.  After all, what was she so stinkin' happy about anyway? I had not always felt that way, but life had caused me to go into hiding. And I was sceptical that anyone could really be THAT nice. There had to be a catch!

 At first, we didn't like each other very much. Still, we were thrown together in countless social situations. A few months after that first meeting, we would find ourselves on the same dorm floor at Iowa State.  At first, we were reluctantly held together through a mutual friend.  Before long, however, we were giggling together. And then we were friends. Best friends. Those two girls who seemed so different, were more alike than they knew.  We even shared a birthday!

That girl who had perplexed me at first, actually helped me rediscover the girl I had been hiding from the world. We went on road trips together, ordered late night pizza together, and hung out together in our dorm as we studied for finals.  I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. She was a soloist in mine. And we were neighbors in married student housing.  She taught me how to arrange flowers and I persuaded her to dye her hair. (Bad decision, by the way). But that was just the beginning.

 In each other, we found a soul mate, with whom we could safely share life's joys and sorrows. Years have passed since those two young gals met at the softball field on that warm summer evening in Iowa. The two women in the picture above are now in their 40's. The two babies are now teenagers. A lot has changed since the day these two young Moms met for a play date and introduced their babies to one another. This is what I would say to the girl staring back at me in the photo...


Being friends as single college gals was fun. Being friends as new wives and neighbors in married student housing was even better. Being friends as new moms changed everything. Your friendship with this woman will grow richer than you ever knew possible as you grow in Motherhood.

 

 Relax. That baby boy you are holding really will sleep through the night. In fact, one day, you will anxiously await for him to wake up because you miss him when he sleeps in so late. That will take about 15 years. But the day will come.

 

This is the first of many wonderful "play dates" for these two little ones. As they grow, they will become close personal friends despite the fact that they are being raised hundreds of miles apart.

Many women will come and go in your life. Melanie will be a constant that keeps you grounded. And you will always be able to pick up the phone and feel like she is just down the hall.  She will always help you find your laugh,  and she will always know what to say when you just want to cry.

Motherhood is the toughest job you will ever love. Sometimes you will feel lonely. Surround yourself with women who understand that truth.

 Remember to take care of yourself. You are not a better Mom just because you make yourself the last priority.  Take naps. Take a shower. And take some time for yourself.

Call old friends who remember who you were before you became a Mommy. The "reality check" will do you good.

On a side note...each time you have a baby, you will foolishly decide to cut your hair. And each time you will regret it. A word of advice...postpone major hair decisions until after the baby starts sleeping through the night. It will save you from a lot of tears and insecurities. No girl should be allowed to make major hair decisions post-partum. But a true friend will tell you it looks chic, even if you are just not feelin' it. Melanie is that kind of friend.

You will be surprised by the people who come and go in your life. But you will be even more surprised by the ones who stay and love you at your best and your worst. Those friendships really are more precious than gold. This is one of them.

Who would have thought that a softball game could change one's life? Not me...but I am sure glad it did.

 

 

 

 

 



What I Would Say To That Girl...Part 3

(Waiting for Jack's arrival...December 1997)

 

Marty and I dreamed of Jack for years. We married young and took time to be a couple for a while after saying "I Do".  Still, we daydreamed about the day we would become Mom and Dad.  Six years after "I" became "We", Jack was on his way. Right after we discovered we were going to be parents, Marty bought a lottery ticket. He was certain we would win the Jackpot since we were the luckiest people in the world. It turns out, he was right. We didn't win money, but we got something better.

 At our first sonogram, we were told that Jack had a cyst on his brain and that we could lose him at any time. I will never forget the fear that gripped my heart when I spent that afternoon with a genetic counselor and listened to statistics shared to prepare us for the worst case scenario. I will never forget the way I walked through the days that followed, terrified that I might never meet the little boy with whom I had already fallen in love. I will never forget a woman named Grace, who worked at my school, and asked if she and her church friends could pray for my little family. And I will never forget the words..."The cyst is gone. He will be fine."

 It was in those dark hours that Marty and I learned the power of prayer. It is a gift far greater than anything money can buy, and it has sustained us all these years of parenthood. This picture was taken right after we had learned the danger was passed and that Jack was completely healthy.  The cyst on his brain, that appeared so threatening in his sonogram 6 weeks prior, was completely gone.

 Jack Riley Arbuckle was born on March 8th, 1998. Life has only been sweeter since his arrival almost 16 years ago. Today, our son is a healthy, strong, courageous, and gifted young man. He has taught the girl in the picture many things. This is what I would say to her if we sat down for a cup of coffee...

 

 

Pregnancy is beautiful. Motherhood is even better.

 

Rest up. You will need it.

Being a mother will test your courage. You  have more than you know.

 

Pace yourself. The journey ahead is a long one and you have much to learn.

 By the way, reading "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" cannot teach you what you need to know about being a Mother. For that, you need another book. It's called The Bible. Read it everyday.

 

Don't forget your worth is not wrapped up in your dress size. You will not always be a size 4, but you will always be beautiful.

 

Always make time for that boy standing next to you holding your tummy. He will still be with you when the boy in your belly has flown away.

 

Many things are out of your control. That will never change. So, take a deep breath. Pray. And learn to roll with it.

 

Fear is only as powerful as you allow it to be.

 

Pray about everything...and I mean EVERYTHING.

 

Miracles happen. Believe it!

What I Would Say To That Girl...Part 2

(Marty and me on July 31, 1992...the night before our wedding)

Over twenty-one years ago,  the girl in the picture took a walk down the aisle and said "I DO" to her very own Prince Charming.  At the time, this naive young woman was just 22 years old. A lot of life has happened since that happy day. Today, she has a few gray hairs on her head and her face has a few wrinkles. Time has passed and love has taught her a few things about life. This is what I would say to the girl in the photo...

You found him!  Never forget the way he makes your heart smile.

There will be many years where the two of you will struggle financially as you build your careers. For a little while, you will be "macaroni and cheese poor". Don't sweat it. Despite your bank account, and evidence to the contrary, you are rich.

You appreciate the way he makes you laugh. His sense of humor will carry both of you through some very difficult and painful circumstances. Lighten up and keep laughing.

He challenges you. That's a good thing. It makes you a better woman. Embrace it. Remember that it's OK that you don't agree on everything.

Your words have the power to build him up or tear him down. Proceed with caution when you speak.

 Two words...honor him. It matters. Enough said.

Years later, your heart will still race when he walks through the door. Tell him that you miss him when he is away.

You don't have to wonder why he picked you. He knows all the reasons and would do it again.

You will always love snuggling together on the couch and watching movies.

He is going to be a great Daddy!

After two decades of marriage, he will still call you Sweetness and you will still love it when he does.

He sees the best in you, even when you cannot. But, he isn't afraid to tell you when you are wrong.

He is a great cook!

One day, you will be temporarily consumed with motherhood.  Never forget to put your marriage first.

You will always love taking walks together and it will always amaze you that your hand fits perfectly in his.

He loves adventure as much as you do.  Together, you will dream of all the places you will go.

Humility and forgiveness are powerful and beautiful things. Be generous with both.

 Before long, the two of you will move hundreds of miles away from family, and you will build a life together in a faraway land called Texas. Remember that "home" is wherever he is. Period.

You will not change him. He will not change you. But you will grow together and bring out the best in each other.

He isn't perfect...just perfect for you. Cut him some slack.

This man will pray with you and pray for you. Cherish him. Always. And never forget he is a gift from God made especially for you.  He is your "happily ever after".

What I Would Say To That Girl...Part 1

 

(Me and my cousin, Lynn, when I was 10 years old)

I just returned from a solo trip back to Iowa. It's where my life began. It's where my roots are planted. And it's where I reconnect with my extended family. In a word...it's home. While I was there, I looked through old pictures with my cousin, Minniette. We spent an afternoon studying the photographs and laughing at bad hair and ridiculous poses. It was a refreshing and heartwarming afternoon of giggles and beautiful memories. Some of the pictures made their way to Facebook so we could entertain friends and mortify relatives. (Sorry, Lynn).

Since I returned home, I have pondered what I would say to the girl I see in pictures from the past. Maybe it's because I am feeling older. Maybe I understand that I have sometimes taken life too seriously. Maybe I am just feeling nostalgic. Whatever the reason, I have some thoughts for the girl looking back at me in those old photos.

This is what I would say the the girl in the picture above. ..

You are 10 years old. Enjoy being 10. Don't be so restless. Life will unfold in time.

I know you wonder if you are beautiful. Believe it. You are. God doesn't make junk.

You admire your mother and you think she is amazing. You are right. Listen to her. She knows you better than you know yourself. There is absolutely nothing she will not do to protect you...even from yourself. She will believe in you even when you forget who you are and stop believing in yourself.

You won't always feel lost because your Father cannot love you the way you deserve. It will always hurt a little, but you will heal. You will persevere and grow strong. His rejection of you will make you an amazing Mother to your own children.

Your cousins are your first and best friends. They are teaching you important lessons about friendship and cooperation. They will show you that things don't always go your way and that is okay. So, play nice.

Your little brother isn't annoying. He is a little boy. And you will miss him terribly when you grow up and move away.  Don't take him for granted. Tell him that he makes you proud. Most of all, roll your eyes less and say "I love you" more.

You didn't get a sister. So what?! You don't need a sister. Instead, you have a baby cousin who will feel like one when you are older. Yes, right now she is just a little munchkin who follows you around and gets under your feet. But, one day, she will be your closest confidante, next to your husband.

Yes, you want to be Cinderella.  Let me assure you that your prince will come. I promise. And he is worth the wait!

You long for adventure and you dream of seeing exotic places. That will never change. Pace yourself.

You will love...and I mean LOVE...being a Mommy.

One day, that small town that insulates you will be a distance place that you will only visit a few times a year. Take in the wide open spaces and remember to enjoy the simple pleasures of living in such a secure and safe place.

Your roots are strong and rooted in family. They will help you bloom where you are planted. And you will blossom into a strong woman of faith.

You dream. A lot. Dream big. And know...God has big plans for you. You are His. And He loves you with an everlasting love.

God-Sized Dreams

It's been a while since I have sat down and shared my thoughts. The truth is, I have had sort of a silent period with God the past few months. I am a talker...with lots of words. But, lately, I have been trying to listen more. To quiet down. To learn more about what God has to say in my life.

My life is small.

If someone were to document the events of my ordinary day, nothing too extraordinary happens.

Carpool. Soccer practice. Dance Class. Voice lessons.
Laundry. So. Much. Laundry.
Homework, dinner, kitchen duty, and bath patrol.
Snuggle time, bedtime, and a little time with the Hubs before we collapse into dreamland.
That's a pretty honest description of daily life at the Arbuckle house.
Like I said. It's small, remember?

I am not solving world peace here. Not a single global dilemma is being conquered in the minutes of my days.  I am not a world changer...

Or am I?

It all depends on how you see the change the world needs.

You see, I have a God-sized dream.

 I long to see my children rooted in His grace, mercy, and truth.  I long to see my home a sanctuary from a mad world that grows crazier by the day. I long to love and support my husband in a way that makes God's heart smile. And I long to point others to the One who makes all things possible.

Some in the world sneer at my dreams and call them small. Others see my efforts as insignificant.  If I believed that, I might feel very differently about my life as well. Rather than being thankful for the ordinary opportunities in my small life, I might be tempted to feel forgotten or insignificant. I see things differently...

 I live an ordinary life AND I am a world changer. When I get quiet and ask for God's perspective on my efforts,  I see extraordinary things.  In the midst of my ordinary days, my children are stepping in faith and learning to make their walk with God their own.  Despite the challenges of daily life, in this busy ant hill we call the suburbs, my family is thriving. Regardless of how little time we have to spend together, my marriage is happy, healthy, and intact. And here's a secret...the world notices.

 God-sized dreams aren't so small after all. Perhaps, they are just big enough. Big enough, to change the world.

Morning Glory is now on Amazon

I am thrilled to announce that my first book Morning Glory: Prayers, Petitions, and Purpose In The Psalms is now available on Amazon at the following link...

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0983854890/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp_d7AJqb08K3QPV

InCourage Post Today

Today I am being featured as a guest on one of my favorite blogs for women.

"To live life to the fullest requires one to be brave. After all, life is an adventure of moving from what is known to what is new. It’s a journey that requires both courage and faith. Looking back, every life altering decision I have ever made proves it to be so…


Accepting that first dinner invitation from a handsome boy with the kind blue eyes; the boy who would, one day, become my husband. Brave.

Picking up stakes and moving away from my roots in order to start a new life after college graduation. Brave.

Leaving my career so that I could be available to my children full-time, even when the budget said it was impossible. Brave.

Starting the process of bringing home our fourth child through domestic infant adoption. Brave!

Every one of these milestones in my life required more courage than I can muster on my own. And yet, a refusal to step in faith, because of fear, would have denied me great blessing and purpose in my life. "

Won't you please join me over at InCourage to read the rest? I sure hope you will!

Book Release!!

Hi everyone!

It is an honor and a privilege to announce that my first book, "Morning Glory" is now available for purchase.

The following link will allow you to order your copy at a pre-sale price. I hope you will consider getting one for yourself and one for a friend. Thanks for all your support and for being part of this amazing dream come true!

http://jebairepublishing.com/featured-books/

Happily Ever After

When I was little, I wanted to be Cinderella. Like many girls, I dreamed of finding my prince and living "happily ever after". I imagined the dress. The flowers. The church. I knew my "big day" would be my very own fairy tale and that my groom would be more wonderful than anyone I could imagine in my dreams. Years later, at the age of 19, I met the man of my dreams. On an ordinary day in mid-September, we were introduced in the dorm cafeteria by a mutual friend. And though we had a few "starts" and "stops", our "happily ever after" had already begun.

On August 1, 1992, I married my husband, a sweet boy with kind blue eyes who made my heart beat fast whenever he looked my way. To be sure, we were just kids. I was only twenty-two years old when I walked down the aisle, and Marty was twenty-three. We lived in married student housing at Iowa State University. We worked part time at minimum wage jobs, attended classes full time, and pinched pennies. We ate lots of raman noodles and macaroni and cheese. And we were happy.

Together, we graduated, got our first "real" jobs, and started a new life in Texas. We lived in a tiny apartment. We started a family and saved for our first home. We changed diapers, spent Saturday afternoons at the "duck park", and lived on almost no sleep. We seldom went out on dates. Instead we snuggled up on the couch, watched movies, and counted our blessings. And we were happy.

Twenty years have passed since we said "I Do". Today, we are still saving our pennies. We spend our weekends at soccer games, dance recitals, and play performances. We sign report cards and attend parent/teacher conferences. We have gotten creative in order to steal private moments together. And we are happier than ever.

I have no idea what the next 20 years will bring. But, as long as I have this man at my side, one thing is certain. I have my "happily ever after". And for that, I give thanks to God.

“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

-Mark 10:6-9

First Fruits

"Come have strawberries on the patio, Mom. Just us," Sofie said sweetly. It was the first part of spring, and strawberries were now in season. She had waited all winter to enjoy their sweetness once more. The time was now. And though I longed to spend time with my little girl, my mind wandered momentarily to the list of tasks I needed to finish before bedtime.

We were all alone in the house and I was packing for a women's retreat I was to attend that weekend. It was Thursday afternoon, and I was far from ready to go. Car pool. After school activities. Laundry. Cleaning. Packing. The list of things on my "to do" list appeared endless.

I looked into my youngest daughter's honey-brown eyes and heard a whisper in my heart. "First things first," it said. In that quiet moment, I knew what God was saying. Together, we washed up some strawberries and sat together under the bright blue sky on that warm spring day. And the first strawberries of the season gave me a first fruits moment with my beautiful daughter. For, my time given freely to her, was an offering to my Lord as well.

Sofie told me about her day and I listened to her share her heart. She made faces because the berries were tart. She laughed that her hands were sticky because the berries were so juicy. And she delighted me with her special Sofie ways. There in the spring breeze, my daughter's eyes glistened and smiled at me as we took some rare moments together. Just us.

Once more, I was amazed by the wonderful and unique sweetness that my daughter brings into my life. Truly, it was an extraordinary moment that I shall treasure all of my days. For it was more than strawberries on the patio. Rather, it was a first fruits moment, an investment in my daughter, and an offering to the LORD. To think I almost missed it because of my "responsibilities" makes me feel sad and a bit ashamed.

It got me thinking. How many "first fruit moments" have I missed because I was too busy to notice them? The thought convicted me as I considered the foolish distractions I have chased in the form of "things to do". Too many first fruit moments have slipped away because of tasks that can surely wait. Since then, I have made a  determined and purposeful effort to give my family the best of me as a first fruits offering to God.

 Scripture has alot to say about first fruit offerings. "When you enter the land I am giving you and you harvest its first crops, bring the priest a bundle of grain from the first cutting of your grain harvest.  On the day after the Sabbath, the priest will lift it up before the Lord so it may be accepted on your behalf". (Leviticus 23:10 NLT) Consider the place where God has placed you and the offering He deserves.

Some view our offerings as purely those related to our finances. But, I would strongly suggest that our offerings to the LORD are much more, and include our time and talents in addition to our cash. Our Heavenly Father, who sacrificed Himself so that we might be called His children deserves nothing less than our very best in every aspect of our lives. The LORD is clear that He wants our best rather than our leftovers. He wants and deserves our first fruits.

 Long ago, I claimed a life verse. "Take your everyday, ordinary life; your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking around life---and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him." (Romans12:1 The Message) I chose this life verse for a reason. It's a reminder to give God the first fruits of my time and my talents in whatever venue He places me. For it is in my ordinary life that I will shine most brightly for my Savior.

God brought me to this family and to this season in my life. Time may change my circumstances, but for today, my platform rests firmly in the ordinary moments that take place within my home. The world has much to say about my identity as a woman. But I must be careful to sift through the lies and schemes of the enemy and fix my eyes on the eternal things of God. I must remember to offer Him my first fruits in the circles of influence in which He has placed me.

Strawberries on the patio with my precious little girl is worthy of my attention, for she is a gift from God. After all, these are not ordinary moments to be squandered, but rather extraordinary opportunities to model the love of Christ within my home and bring glory to God. May my offerings be sweet to the Lord as I cherish the first fruit moments of my life.

Just A Mommy

I was 12 years old when my cousin, Minniette, made me a wager. She proposed that by the ripe "old" age of 28, I would be at home with my kids. At the time, those words filled me with outrage. After all, there was NO way I was going to be "just a mommy". Being raised in what seemed like a "greenhouse" of strong women, the role of capable, independent woman was easy to embrace. Family. Career. I naively believed I could have it all, do it all, and be it ALL. It never occurred to me that I would be a stay at home mother, for I had big things to accomplish. Confident that Minniette was mistaken in her assessment, I took that bet. I was certain that her dollar was mine and I smugly imagined the day I would rub her nose in my victory.

Ironically, the year I turned 28 changed my life forever. It was the year that God gave me our beloved son, Jack. He is the first of our three gifts from Heaven. With his birth, my priorities shifted. Over the next few years, I began to sense that somebody had sold me an empty dream of materialism and achievement that no longer aligned with my heart. With the birth of each of my children, my heart and my desires continued to change. Over time, I began to see in myself the things my cousin has always known.

The LORD gave me a heart that longs to care for and protect those whom I deeply love. Responsible, sensible, and careful, I was the self-appointed guardian of my younger brother and cousins, whether they needed it or not. God made my ears sensitive to tones of voice and my eyes keen to body language in order to infer feelings. As I came to truly know my heart, I discovered a startling conclusion. I was born to be a caretaker. No, I was born to be a Mother. It seems my cousin saw that better than I, even when we were children. I lost the bet, but won something much greater...a sense of purpose. I owe my cousin a dollar and my thanks. (Thanks, Minniette! I owe you a buck!)

Today, my sense of identity is firmly rooted in being the heart of our home. At long last, I have stepped out of the full-time workforce as an educator and into life as a stay at home mom. Instead of grading papers, writing lesson plans, and attending meetings, my days are now filled with clipping coupons, driving our children all over town for practices and rehearsals, and managing the many responsibilities of our home. Instead of finding my worth in my performance at work, I am content to be "just a mommy" while I model the love of Christ to my family.

There is no pay or earthly recognition for the work that I do every day. To the contrary, there are even some people who belittle and degrade my choice to be at home. With humility and gratitude, I recognize that my efforts to shape my kids do not go unnoticed by God. I pray my efforts to guide my children, for whom I am accountable, bring the LORD great glory.

Now let me clarify a few things. I recognize that a woman can be a good mother and work outside the home. In fact, I was raised by a woman who did just that! Whether it be ambition or necessity, I do not begrudge another woman the right to make her own choices. Some women are remarkable enough to do it all. Be it all. To everyone. And if that were the calling on my life, I have no doubt that God would have empowered me to do just that.

But, I must confess, that is just not "me". Truly, I was never very good at juggling both motherhood and a career. Trying to do both left me feeling exhausted and discouraged. I just couldn't seem to "do it all". Despite my efforts for many years to hold down the fort both at home and at work, I went to bed feeling like a failure in nearly every aspect of my life. I wasn't the teacher, the wife, the mother, or the friend that I was called to be. There simply wasn't enough of me to go around and I knew it. By faith, my husband and I decided I needed to be at home and we made many sacrifices to make it happen for our family, even when our checkbook said it was impossible. We made adjustments, created a budget, and we prayed A LOT!

God has blessed me in my decision to follow His lead regarding my position in this world, and I am thankful that I have the awesome privilege of being at home for my kids. Each day, I am reminded that my children are learning by my example. They listen to my guidance. They watch me intently. Not a day goes by that I don't understand more fully what God has called me to do. As a mother, I am shaping my children into the people they will become. Every action and every reaction makes an impact on the hearts of my kids. It's a heavy responsibility and an awesome privilege. But it's also LOTS of work! And that is only part of what I do all day.

I am the chief dietitian, counselor, detective, judge, cook, personal shopper, chauffeur, housekeeper, and gardener for our family. I am sure I could think of a few more titles, but I have to finish my point before the kids get home from school. My husband is out of town on business so I am flying solo tonight. When the kiddos push through that door we need to finish homework and dinner before our daughter goes to soccer practice. Did I mention she also has new badges for me to sew on her Girls In Action vest? Add seamstress to the list of titles I hold.

Be advised. I have discovered that life as a full-time wife and mother is not for the faint of heart. My days are full and bedtime is still relished at the Arbuckle household. We do not drive new cars and we stick closely to our budget. Financially, we make tough decisions and even give up luxuries to make ends meet. Some days, I wonder how our finances are going to all work out in the end. Contrary to what some in the world believe, we are not wealthy. We simply made a choice to downsize our life so that I could be home. It wasn't easy, but it was right for us. And I have no regrets, though I could use a nap and a mani/pedi.

Now, there is a sweetness that has gripped our family as never before. I believe it is because I am utilizing my God given gifts. I am, in fact, who I was created to be and in that I find my sleep to be sweet. I am just a Mommy. My title isn't grand and my achievements are not met with accolades, praise, or glory. I won't be winning any awards this side of Heaven. But I have peace. I have joy. And I know what it is to be truly happy in the LORD. It's a lesson I pray will stay rooted in my heart as I raise up children to take their place in this world.

I pray that God will give each of my kids eyes to see their gifts and talents and grant them the courage to follow their God-given dreams. I hope they are wiser than I was in finding their way in life. And more than any accomplishment, "I have no greater desire than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." (3 John 1:4) Today, life has come full circle as my son is now starting to make plans for his future. Many days I listen to my Jack share his heart and I counsel him carefully. It's so much fun listening to my kids dream of what they will "be" when they grow up. A baker. A dance teacher. An engineer. And in the words of my youngest blessing Sofie, "A mommy...just a mommy".

Brave And Courageous

Late this past fall, Marty took Jack to see the movie "Courageous". It had quite a big influence on our Man-child and recently, as it has hit the stores on DVD, Jack has been longing to watch it again. Jack's birthday is in just a number of weeks. He will soon be fourteen years old. Sometimes, I wonder where my little boy with the blond curly hair has disappeared. Today, Jack is a tall, confident young man with one foot already stepping into his future. I know God has amazing plans for our son, but I am also aware that I must be more committed to prayer than ever before. Like other young boys his age, my son is stepping into a world that is fighting a culture war that is darker than ever.The enemy seeks to destroy my son and steal his innocence. And Satan will use every tool available to get to bring Jack down. Friends. Music. The Internet. Even television. Especially television.

They say, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Young men today are bombarded with images that are designed to desensitize them to nudity and encourage them to dabble in acts of intimacy that are suppose to be limited to a man and his wife. The images on the television were a troubling reminder that Satan will use any and all means necessary in order to distract Jack and make him as ineffective as possible. After all, Satan is cunning and he knows Jack's name. He knows Jack's weaknesses. He fears Jack's potential. I am foolish to assume otherwise. And the Bible warns us that “the eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light". (Matthew 6:22) In essence, good stuff in, good stuff out. And bad stuff in...you get the picture.

As a mother and a woman of faith, I have to step up my game and pray daily for my son's purity if he is to stand in this culture of "anything goes". At the risk of sounding like one of those "church ladies", I am sickened by the lack of moral boundaries in our society today. In fact, I wonder if we, as a nation, have gone beyond the point of no return. It's not hard to see how we got to this place of depravity. I just wonder if there is a way out.

Then I realize, it begins with my son. His generation has the power to change our direction. In him, I see a love for Christ and a desire to obey that is stronger than most adults I know. God is calling tomorrow's men to be strong and courageous! For they will do great things that will bring God glory.

Today, I went to a Christian bookstore in search of Jack's birthday present. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I knew it had to be special. It had to be something that could strengthen Jack in his walk into manhood. Make no mistake, there are many things on which my son could choose to fix his gaze. Unhealthy dating relationships. Pre-marital sex. Nudity and pornography. The world tells my son that all are acceptable. Yet, none of these things are God's desire for a young man seeking after God's best in life. Therefore, I want Jack to have something else to look upon. Something that will remind him whose he is when temptation is lurking. Something that challenges him to be the Jack that God created him to be and to fix his eyes on the things of God. I found a ring with the words "strong and courageous" inscribed upon it. It brought to mind a verse I hope Jack will live by as he grows and takes his place in God's Kingdom. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)

When Jack was a little boy, we discovered he had a heart filled with courage. He loved to play with Rescue Hero action figures and enjoyed pretending to be a Super Hero. Spiderman was his favorite! As he grew, we saw that same courage manifest itself as he stood his ground with bullies both for himself and on behalf of his friends. Now that Jack is a teenager, he will need that courage like never before.

That is my prayer for my son...courage. Strong. Unmoveable courage. The kind of courage that only comes from being a man who follows after God.

A Masterpiece

"I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that full well." Sofie uttered these words to me softly as I tucked her into bed the other night. With a sweet smile on her face, she shared with me a beautiful truth, a scripture, she had practiced at church that evening. I looked into her honey brown eyes and told her how I thought God was "showing off" the day he made her and that I was super lucky that He chose me to be me her Mom. Then, I kissed her goodnight, turned off her light, and closed her door behind me. It was one of those mountaintop moments as a parent. My heart was bursting with praise and gratitude for my daughter was beginning to understand who God made her to be.

But as with so many challenges in parenting, I was quick to find we had taken one step forward only to go two steps back. For, the very next evening, I was drying tears that were the result of some cruel remarks made by a careless classmate. Words like "ugly" and "terrible" pierced her heart and wounded her spirit in ways that made me burn with anger. It didn't matter that the words weren't true. What mattered was how Sofie felt about those words...and the effect they had on her once they had been uttered.

She was devastated. Then and there, I acknowledged that we had a long way to go if Sofie's self-image was going to be firmly rooted in Christ. Gently, I reminded her of the truth she had shared with me only the night before. "Who made you, Sofie?" I whispered softly. I wanted her full attention. "God did." "That's right," I replied, "And what does God say about you?" Once more, she recited Psalm 139:14. I continued, "God says you are wonderful. It doesn't matter what other people say. Their words only matter if you let them matter. I know they hurt. But don't let them tell you who you are. Only God can do that. He never uses words like 'ugly' or 'terrible' when he speaks of you."

Today, Sofie left for school a bit more tense than usual. Her face revealed a heart that was unsettled and nervous. I took her small hands in mine, kissed her forehead and prayed over her. And as she walked out the door, I reminded her, "Be the Sofie that God made you to be...for you are fearfully and wonderfully made." Truly, she is a masterpiece. I know that full well. Even if she has forgotten.

While she has been at school, I have done a bit of word study. The Bible says we are "fearfully and wonderfully made". But what does that mean exactly? My daughter needs to know. Perhaps we all could use a reminder. Here is what I found...

Fearfully means to "stand in awe", "to cause astonishment", "to inspire reverence".
Wonderfully implies we are "wonderful, distinct, distinguished, set apart".

In essence, God is saying that each and every one of us is a masterpiece, created by Him, to bring Him glory. By His hand, we were created. And by His Word we are said to be...
Astonishing.
Inspiring.
Wonderful.
Distinct.
Distinguished.
Set apart.

Like Sofie, the truth is short and sweet. Indeed, we are ALL fearfully and wonderfully made. In a word...Sofie is a masterpiece. So are you.

With Love

With a warm cup of coffee in my hand, I glanced at our December calendar and took a deep breath. Then, I decided that today was going to require something more than caffeine. This evening, alone, I have to be in three places nearly all at once. It seems that most days this time of year look the same.

Wrapping.
Decorating.
Baking.
Parties.
Shopping.
Concerts.

"How did I let it get away from me again?" I think to myself.

Don't get me wrong. It's all good stuff. Still, every year, in the midst of the Christmas crazies, I begin to feel a bit unraveled. And every year, right about now, I begin to reassess how Christmas is going to look for our family. Clearly, I can't do it all. And, if I choose to chase after the insignificant this Christmas season, I will miss the most important thing of all...Christ, himself.

So I am taking a close look at our family calendar and I am desperately trying to scale back our "have to's" in order that we might spend more time celebrating our Savior. The world is fighting back. Hard. Commercials, marketing gifts I can't afford, bombard me and my children throughout the afternoon. Images of the "perfect" Christmas mock me as holiday movies replay on my television. And then there is the decorating. So. Much. Decorating. Still, I am holding my ground. I simply refuse to let Christ be lost in the middle of the chaos.

Over the years, I have placed some simple anchors in place to keep our family grounded in the real reason for the season. Our Nativity, a treasure from my childhood, sits in its usual place in the hallway, so that it might greet us as we walk through the door. Each evening, our family gathers together, if only for a few moments, and we read a Christmas devotional and countdown to the "big day". And every Sunday, we sit at our dining table and light a candle on our family Advent wreath. Still, I long for more. This time of year, my heart desires to look upon Christ and worship him for all that he is and all that he has done.

When I read the Christmas story quietly and simply ponder the beauty of that silent night over 2,000 years ago, I am reminded that Christmas is about just one thing. Big love. Jesus humbly left his throne in Heaven. He came as a baby and was born of a teenage Virgin. Christ, fully man yet also divine, led a sinless life and then offered that life as a sacrifice for me. He took my sin and my place on a Cross, so that I might be reconciled to God. By his sacrifice alone, I have eternal life in the presence of the LORD. It's a free gift from my Savior to me. And he did all of this for love.

So, this Christmas, I will follow the example of my Savior. In the middle of the busyness, I choose to "do everything in love". (1 Corinthians 16:14) As I hustle through the obligations that will not go away, I will take my Jesus with me. This Christmas season, in all I do, with everyone I meet, I choose to show the love of Christ. And while I hope to conquer the items on my "to do" list, I aspire to greater things as well. There is still time to trim the list and make a little more room for my Savior. After all, it is HIS birthday for which we are preparing.

Perhaps, you have a calendar that looks like mine. Maybe you have a list in your head of what you feel "must" be done to make this a "merry Christmas". This year, I challenge you to prayerfully sift through the distractions. You can't do it all. The best part is, you don't have to. This is one Christmas party where you are free to just come and be. For, Christ has already prepared everything that really matters. And he did it, for you, with love.

Merry CHRISTmas!

Wait For It

One of my favorite characters is from a television show called "How I Met Your Mother". The character is a smarmy guy named Barney Stinson and his favorite one liner is "Wait for it..." Those words are especially relevant to me today.

Just when I thought the paperwork phase of our adoption was behind us, we had a few minor setbacks this week. First, we learned that our biological children will require a tuberculosis screening before we can schedule our home study. Dutifully, I contacted our family doctor and scheduled the tests for early next week.

Then, I learned today that I have to fill out an extensive health history form on...wait for it...each child. Browsing through the details required on these forms, I took a deep breath and felt like I was going to cry. It seems that so much about adoption is "hurry up and wait". I have never been good at waiting. Not for my birthday. Not for Christmas Eve. And not for our baby. Now, our home study which was tentatively scheduled for next week will have to be delayed. "It's God's timing," I whisper to myself, though I felt like screaming.

An hour or so later, Jack walked through the door and heaved a heavy sigh. He had been waiting all day to learn his part in the UIL spring play at his middle school. Earlier in the week, he had finished two auditions for one of the lead roles. The results were suppose to be posted right after school. To his dismay, a delay has caused him to wait for two more weeks.

As I listened to him share his disappointment and sensed his frustration, I searched for words of encouragement. "Jack, waiting is hard," I said gently. "Whether you are waiting for your birthday, for Christmas, or for a baby...waiting stinks! Still, sometimes, we are called to wait. Never forget, son, that God has already placed you in the part that will bring him glory. Waiting won't change that." Suddenly, I felt as though I was talking to myself.

The hard truth is, sometimes we must wait. And it's hard. However, during a season of waiting, it is important that we remember that God is still in control. Even in our waiting.

For, "those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)

His timing is perfect and "he has made everything beautiful in his time".(Ecclesiastes 3:11)

So, "wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD" (Psalm 27:14)

Long ago, the world, covered in darkness, was waiting for a Savior. We are told that "when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman." (Galatians 4:4) Jesus Christ was born in order to fulfill God's plan of salvation. It was true then. And it is true today. In His time, the LORD will see his plans through to their completion.

Perhaps you are like me and my son. Maybe you have a need or a desire in your heart that simply cannot arrive fast enough. Remember to fix your eyes on Heaven and know you are not forgotten. Remain patient, steadfast, and strong. Sometimes we must wait for it.

Hide And Seek

When I was a little girl, one of my favorite games was "hide and seek". The best games happened on warm summer evenings in my grandpa's backyard. For hours, my brother, my cousins, and I searched for covert hiding places as we tried to avoid being found by whomever was "it". Patiently, we waited for the best moment to run "home" and be "safe". It was big fun!

Sometimes, life feels a bit like a game of "hide and seek". Unfortunately, it isn't as much fun these days, as the stakes are so much higher. As we stumble in this dark world and attempt to find our way through life's trials, we sometimes get overwhelmed and discouraged.

So what are we to do when our greatest desires seem to be hiding in the dark? First, we must cling to hope. Even in our hardships, God is at work behind the scenes, preparing us for promises yet to be revealed. Despite the appearance of our circumstances, we must choose to fix our eyes on the LORD and faithfully follow His lead. Indeed, these troubles are temporary. They shall pass away and a new day shall arrive. Ultimately, God is in control.

God never hides His will from his children. We are directed to "seek and you shall find". (Matthew 7:7 NIV) When life gets messy, as it often does, we must hide in God's word and seek after Him. Scripture tells us that our "light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:17-18) Even as we encounter darkness, the LORD is doing more than we can see or imagine. As we wait for His plans to unfold, we must choose to look with faith filled eyes.

In our darkest night, we can find comfort in the knowledge that God knows right where we are. For nothing is hidden from God.

Calm In The Storm

If you haven't guessed it yet, the road of adoption is exciting and terrifying all at once.

It had been a long day. An emotional day. Our interview with our adoption agency had taken most of the afternoon. The questions were personal. The answers required raw honesty. And I was left exhausted. So after a hot bath, I went to bed. Early. And I expected to remain asleep until the cruel alarm demanded that I wake and get the kids ready for school.

But just two hours after I had fallen into a deep sleep, I suddenly woke with my mind racing. It was as if the enemy was right up in my face whispering every vile lie about who I am to discourage me from proceeding any further with our adoption. Every insecurity, every doubt, every fear about the road we are on seemed to grip my heart in this moment, and sleep was off the table.

So, I prayed and I trembled with God as I confessed every thought...

"What if I am too old to be the mother of an infant?"
"What if I won't be a good mother to this baby?"
"What if the baby never accepts me as his mother?"
"What if the changes a baby brings to our family turns our home upside down?"
"What if they decide that my past mistakes disqualify me for adoption?"
"What if the the social worker decides to reject us?"
"What if this dream becomes a nightmare?"

What if, what if, what if...

I felt myself dripping in sweat as I crawled out of bed and attempted to clear my head. I went to the solace of my laptop and began writing. Even my favorite hobby couldn't quiet my fears. I wrote down every doubt, every fear, every worry. A blog update and a couple of hours later, I was still awake. I wondered if I would sleep at all this night. I imagined how tired I would feel in the morning and I asked God to help me find some peace. Then, I went to submit an article and noticed an early morning devotional had already arrived in my inbox.

I clicked the link.

I scrolled down.

And I read...

“He replied, ‘You of little faith, why are you so afraid?’ Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.” Matthew 8:26 (NIV)

Tonight, the waves are more than I can handle. And I am reminded that I don't have to be afraid because God's "got this". The Lord is bigger than me. He is bigger than my fears. And he is big enough to handle the waves of fear that are crashing around me right now.
He rebukes my insecurities.
He quiets my fears.
He commands that my peace be restored.
He assures me that all is well.

How grateful I am that Christ never leaves me alone in the boat. Jesus is my calm in the storm.

The Boy Inside The Man-Child

Today, I saw the little boy hiding within my man child. This morning, Jack had his 13year well check up at the pediatrician's office. Yes, I am aware that he is closer to fourteen than thirteen. Yes, we got the certifiable look of disapproval from our doctor. In any case, today, before school, Jack and I headed off to his appointment.

Jack and I have been at this doctor's office many times over the years. Our pediatrician has been Jack's doctor since we moved to McKinney. Jack was just 2 years old the first time he visited this office. Through the years, our pediatrician has treated Jack for everything from ear infections to asthma flare ups. He has seen Jack through every cold and every well visit. This particular check up was not extraordinary in any way. In fact, in nearly every way, it was identical to countless other visits we have made to our doctor since Jack was a little boy. Still, somehow today seemed different.

Maybe it was because it was the first time we have walked down the halls of that office where my son was actually taller than me. Perhaps it is because, lately, it seems that my Jack is more "man" than "child". Most days, I am reminded by his deep voice and huge appetite that Jack is growing up. But today, I saw a glimpse of the boy hiding within my son. And it made my heart smile.

There, in the office, as Jack laid back on the examination table, Jack became ticklish and started to giggle. In that moment, I was transported back to another time, when we visited this office for the first time. Jack was just 2 years old and he was extremely ticklish. I smiled to myself as I recalled the faded memories of my blond curly haired boy who couldn't stop wiggling or giggling on that day so long ago. Quietly, I sat there, smiling to myself, remembering my little guy and missing him just a little.

There is no denying that my son is growing up. High school is closing in on us as he just had his "rising freshman" meeting at school. Lately, our discussions have been about his "four year plan", and his goals for the future. Gone are the days when he would build cities with Legos, save the day with his Rescue Hero action figures, or pretend to be his favorite super hero. These days, it's not often that I see my little boy. But, today, for a moment, he was in the pediatrician's office with me.

As I took in the familiar sound of Jack's laugh today, I was reminded, that "sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him." (Psalm 127:3) Certainly, Jack's growth curve has changed, but his giggle is the same now as it was when he was small. How I treasure every precious moment God has given me with my son. I am proud to be Jack's mom. I have loved him since before I laid eyes on him. Being his mom is one of the greatest joys of my life. I can't wait to see the plans God has for him as Jack steps into manhood.

In this new season of life, I pray God gives me wisdom to be the mother Jack needs. I pray that with each new challenge, God will equip me to prepare my son for the world that beckons. But, today, I offer thanks for the glimpse of the boy within my man-child.

The Face of The Fatherless

Last December, on Christmas Eve, the Hubs and I committed to expanding our family through adoption. Over the past year, we have prayerfully explored how adoption might look for us. In the process, we have studied scriptures that mandate God's call on his people to "defend the cause of the fatherless" (Isaiah 1:17)

Since we are challenged to check scripture with scripture and not just take individual verses out of context for our own personal argument, we dug deep into the problem before us. Here is some of what God has to say about the fatherless...


What the Bible says about the Fatherless

One thing is clear. God is serious about His commitment to the fatherless. And we should be too. So, over the past year, I have been looking into the face of the fatherless and what I have found disturbs me to the core of who I am.

Fatherless has many faces. Too many faces. Many times, it's an orphan. Other times, it's a child whose family has been dismantled. Every time, the effects are devastating. The statistics are quite sobering. According to the website Dads 4 Kids the following statements can be made about children who grow up without a father:

"Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy, and criminality."

"...the absence of the father in the home affects significantly the behavior of adolescents and results in the greater use of alcohol and marijuana."

"Fatherless children are at dramatically greater risk of suicide."

"Boys who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely that those in father-present homes to have trouble establishing appropriate sex roles and gender identity."

"The economic consequences of a [father's] absence are often accompanied by psychological consequences, which include higher-than-average levels of youth suicide, low intellectual and education performance, and higher-than-average rates of mental illness, violence and drug use."

"Fatherless children -- kids living in homes without a stepfather or without contact with their biological father -- are twice as likely to drop out of school."

Here is more info on the fatherless if you have the stomach for it...

Statistics on Fatherless Children

Fatherhood Coalition

Fathers.com

Had enough? Let me point out that these statistics don't even begin to address the world-wide orphan crisis where over 140 million children are left without a mother or a father. These statistics are just the tip of a very menacing ice burg that humanity is failing to address.

These are the facts and they paint a picture that breaks the heart of God. Therefore, it should break the hearts of God's people. Children were never intended to be fatherless. And yet, we see a generation of children growing up without a father.

Some see these statistics and use them as a justification for abortion. Let me say definitively, this would NOT be God's solution. For God values the sanctity of life and considers each child, born and unborn, precious. He has a plan and a purpose for every human life, and His plans do not include abortion.

Neither do God's plans include abandoment. The Church mustn't turn away as this festering problem affects the children of today, and the mothers and fathers of tomorrow. So, what are we do to? My response is...do what you are called to do. Start with a prayer. Let me warn you. It might sting a little. Probably a lot. Then, go where God leads you one step of faith at a time. You don't have to have the whole journey from start to finish all figured out before you commit to follow after the LORD. Just choose to walk in obedience. God will do the rest.

For us, our family has been called to adopt one of the fatherless, but not everyone is called to adoption. Still every child of God is called to do something on behalf of the fatherless. And I believe our Heavenly Father takes our efforts to be his hands and feet and multiplies them for His glory. As ambassadors of Christ and God followers, we are called to go to where they are and care for them in their distress. (Deuteronomy 10:18)

May I challenge you to pray about your role in fighting for the fatherless. Perhaps you will mentor a child who has been abandoned by a father. You might decide to sponsor a child through a charitable organization. Maybe you will serve on a missions team that will go abroad and meet the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of the fatherless. You might even decide, as we have, to open your home and your heart to adoption.

I don't know your role in defending the cause of the fatherless. But this I know. We all have a part to play. And we will all suffer the consequences if we fail to do so. Let's not look away from the face of the fatherless.