Friday, November 4, 2011


“He must have loved me once…“

The thought gripped my heart as my eyes gazed on the tattered photo in my hands. My eyes focused intently on the image of a new father as he held his newborn baby girl in his arms. His faced was turned away from the camera, and it left me only to imagine his expression during this tender father/daughter moment. The baby girl in this picture is me. The man is my biological father.

Life has given me many images of this man. I know him as my father, but I do not call him "Dad". For the word "Daddy" is far too intimate to describe my relationship with him. This is a man who is a mysterious puzzle in my life. For although he was gifted with fatherhood, he discarded me when I was just a girl. The role of my "Dad" was filled when my mother remarried. And the loss of my father faded over time.

I have many pictures in my mind of my interactions with this man. Most of them conjure up feelings of helplessness and fear. For as long as I can remember, his presence filled me with deep insecurities. And though it has been almost three decades since I was in his presence, there are some things time cannot erase. Hateful words and devastating emotional games have left an unforgettable impression on my heart. He simply was not equipped for the responsibilities and privileges associated with being a dad. Over time, as his interest in me vanished, I became one of the "fatherless".

Now a grown woman, I see him differently. Memories of the past now fail to look so dark. Though I will never understand his choice to leave his post of fatherhood, I no longer yearn for his affection. As a girl, I anxiously wondered how I might earn his love. As a woman of faith, I understand there was no way to capture his heart. But I am adored by the One who made me. He is "Abba", my "Daddy". My Heavenly Father.

Even though my biological father is part of me, it is God the Father who gave me life. As I place the photo back in the box from which it came, God gently reminds me that I am no longer "fatherless". In fact, I have never been so. The LORD is "the father to the fatherless". (Psalm 68:5)Daily, He continues to make provisions for my future. I am never out of His sight. I am not unlovable. I am not unworthy. I am His precious daughter. And he gave me a stepfather who filled the space left behind in my dad's absence.

Perhaps what amazes me most is how my Heavenly Father has used every hurt to shape my life into the beautiful adventure it has become. My husband and I are pursuing domestic infant adoption. Now, as we wait to meet our chosen child, I dream of days to come. I look forward to the day when our baby is placed in my husband's arms. I long to hold our child close, and sing him/her to sleep. This baby is deeply loved and prayed for already, and we shall point him/her to the love of the Heavenly Father each and every day. This baby, who might otherwise be fatherless, shall never know what it is to be so.

So, I watch for God to move. And I wait for the next step. More than anything, I rest secure in the unconditional love of my Heavenly Father, "Abba", who “takes delight in me. Quiets me with His love. And rejoices over me with singing.“ (Zephaniah 3:17 NIV) Forevermore, I have my Father's love.


  1. Again another account about being emotionally wounded from the pain of a childhood with a physically or an emotionally absent father. These wounds cause a condition known as the orphan heart. We are now in a pandemic of fatherlessness. Understanding what the conditions are of an orphan heart and the process for inner healing is of utmost importance. It is all about establishing an intimate relationship with the Father. Having an experiential encounter of the Father's love. It is a condition the majority of people do not know about and do not understand.
    In 2010 statistics showed that the number of fatherless children in the United States was 18 million and 163 million in the world. This doesn’t even cover those with physically present but emotionally absent fathers. Today’s children seek affirmation from all the wrong places including gangs. They are longing to belong. They are aching for acceptance. They are trying to fill a void of a father’s love in their souls. There is an epidemic of soul sickness in this world.
    We need to know who we are in God the Father's eyes. God wants to have an intimate relationship with us and will use any means available to draw us close to him and His heart. But, it depends on our image of God.
    So how do we develop our image of God? As children, we develop our image of God and understanding about love from our earthly fathers. Children are growing up without knowing a father’s love. The results are that these children become adult’s with childhood emotional wounds, just like I did. You may be one of them. How can we be good Christians, parents, spouses, and/or friends if we have an unhealed inner child? We need to experience God’s love. We need a personal encounter with the merciful Savior Himself to enable us to personally experience the love of Jesus Christ and the Father.
    Seek Him and His love and know that you are His beloved child in whom He is well pleased.


    Bruce Brodowski
    Author of:
    My Father, My Son, Healing the Orphan Heart with the Father's Love
    Carolinas Ecumenical Healing Ministries
    Minister, missionary, author, publisher, speaker

  2. AMEN!! Thanks for sharing your insights. You are so right about the epidemic in our culture for fatherlessness. I pray the church will be part of the solution. Faith in Jesus Christ was the only thing that brought me peace. God Bless you in your ministry and may God be glorified in it.

  3. Wow, I am so grateful to have found your blog! It's wonderful to see another Christian who values the Father nature of God. He is absolutely the best father I could have.

    I too have experienced fatherlessness since my dad left when I was five years old. Currently I am working on expanding my blogging ministry to teenage girls who have grown up in divorced homes, and I am also about 50% done with a bible study for girls in this situation.

    Thanks again for sharing the love of Christ.
    - Aimee