Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Perhaps it is because I underestimated how difficult it would be to feel so out of control. Maybe, it is due to the fact that God only reveals our path one step of faith at a time, and this is not a road I expected at this time in my life. Whatever the reason, the adoption journey is long and we have only just begun. And over the past couple of weeks, I have felt my strength waver. Filled with inner turmoil, I was in need of answers. Direction. Deliverance. Yet, God has not clearly revealed the next piece in our adoption puzzle and that left me bewildered, even a bit angry.
Experience has taught me that when I reach this fragile place, it is time to rest in the arms of the Father. So, that is what I set out to do on Wednesday morning. I dropped the kids off at school, returned to our silent home, and sat still before God's throne.
"What are we to do, LORD?" I wondered desperately. "I feel so helpless. There are so many paths in front of us. Which one is yours?" With many concerns on my mind about our future, I spent the morning quietly pouring my heart out to the Father. During that precious time together, God revealed Himself in such a personal way, I knew he heard the cries of my heart. Slowly, I felt my fears subside. It felt so good to be still.
Now with a clear head and my heart was at peace, it was time to rejoin the world and get on with life. That evening, I went to church to teach my first grade Girls in Action class. The lesson for the night was on standing firm in the midst of great fear. Dutifully, I prepared for the class and began to study the lesson. The passage was on how God led the Israelites on dry ground through the Red Sea. Of course, that is a mental picture that I know well. In wonder, I have imagined that miraculous scene since I was a little girl.
Still, there was more the LORD wanted to teach me about the deliverance of His people. Carefully, I wrote the scripture for the evening on the white board and felt it speak directly to my heart. My heart pounded as I read His Word...
Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” -Exodus 14:13 (NIV)
It took my breath away when I read that promise, for it was one I had read earlier in the day during my quiet time with the Father. I knew, in that moment, that God had been holding me all day. I finally understood what my Heavenly Father had been whispering all day. Now is a time to stand firm and wait for His deliverance.
"What is deliverance?" one of my young girls in action asked sweetly. I looked at her with a smile, prayed for words and said, "Deliverance is when God shows up in your life when you need Him the most." All at once, the word "deliverance" gave me clarity and courage at the same time.
While I am being still, He is fighting for us. For me. For Marty. For our whole family, including our chosen child we have yet to meet. The LORD is fighting for us all. But He is calling me to courageous faith as well. Right now, while I patiently wait on Him, the LORD is fighting to bring our child home. All we must do is be still, stand firm, and believe God will show up. For when the time is right, the LORD will move ahead of us and direct our every step. This battle is not mine, but the LORD's. I must wait expectantly on His deliverance. That is how we bring Him glory.
That night, as I drifted off to sleep, my strength was renewed for I was resting securely in the arms of my Savior. He delivered the Israelites from slavery. He delivered me from sin. And He will deliver our baby as well. God, Himself, will bring us to the other side of this adoption. Together, our family shall walk on dry ground.
But for now, it is time to be still, stand firm, and wait for His deliverance.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Sometimes you call us to act. Other times you ask us to wait for your deliverance. Help us to draw near to you in all things that we might feel your presence and hear your voice guiding us faithfully.
Reflection: In what part of your life are you looking for God's deliverance?